Hey, it’s been awhile since I last posted on here. I felt compelled to write about this topic, and decided to share it here, because it’s been a long time and I know that I get asked about this blog a lot. I used to write when I was sad, mad, or emotionally charged about a specific topic. The one I’m writing about now has been speaking out to me recently, so I wanted to make a longer post in a way that wasn’t a twitter thread. With that being the case, I thought this was a good time to add a post to the many on the blog! This one isn’t as much about poker, as it is about time and being intentional with it. So anyways, here goes… *deep breath*
What I’m going to write isn’t the most profound or unknown by any stretch. It’s just simple and “is,” for all intents and purposes. My time is limited. I’m not immortal, and it’s important for me to remind myself of this fact constantly. It doesn’t mean that I think I’m going to die anytime soon, and definitely don’t want to. What’s true, however, is that time on earth is limited, and I want to make the most of it, for as long that may be. Hopefully, it’s longer than it is short, but there’s no guarantee this is the case. Some may think it’s morbid to think in this way, but I don’t think so. What I do realize is that I have goals, ambitions, and other moments that I want to have while I do exist in this lifetime, and with this consciousness at least.
Do the exact goals themselves matter for this post? Not really, no, but if you know me at all, you’ll know I care about poker and health above all else at this time in my life. The poker part came from within, the health more so came from Matt, or at least he was an impetus for me to take my health more seriously. I can’t be more grateful for the impact he’s had on my life, in many ways. I don’t have strict goals that I want to reach, but I have a process. It’s nothing set in stone, or anything that needs to be check boxed daily for me to “have a good day,” but I know that I want my actions and time to be intentional. When it comes to going to the gym in the morning, playing poker, or spending time with family and friends, I want to be in that moment. Just like writing this, I want to be here, in these words, these thoughts, these feelings, to where I can express how I feel in this exact moment.
That’s what life’s about to me, at least for now. I think this will change in the future, but what I know for sure is that this window of time (early 20s) is going to be some of the best and most influential times of my life. From the experiences I’m able to have, the opportunities that have been available and the people I’ve met and will meet will shape my existence for years to come.
Now, why is this important? Why do I care about anything if I’m aware of the fact that I’m not immortal? I’ll tell you, and my conclusion might be different than yours, and that’s completely okay. I don’t have anything figured out by any means, or have a feeling of enlightenment in the slightest. I just have an opinion, and like all others, should be taken with a grain of salt. If it impacts you in a good way, I’m happy to share. If not, that’s okay too, as the point of this piece of writing is for my to collect my thoughts for myself alone to reflect.
I think that even though death is inevitable, life can only be lived forward. There are moments I have had in the past and recent present that have made me realize that I want to hold myself to a high standard in my own eyes when it comes to the things and people I care about. When it comes to relationships, personal goals, or anything in between, I want to enjoy the moment, and truly be there. I try to stay as present as possible. Take every day as it’s own page, and through that, there’s a “story.” Why rush to the end of any good story?
I want my story arc to be one that I can confidently look back on my work and think, “That was the time of my life, and my decisions led me towards the path I wanted to be on.” At the current point in time, the arc is in personal growth (in a physical/mental/emotional sense) and poker. Currently I’m on the way to LA for some good times with friends and writing this on the plane ride over. As I look out the window of the plane and see the scenery in it’s vastness, I realize how fortunate of a turn my life’s taken to get to this point. From dropping out in college after two years to being here now, the story’s only just beginning… or it’s not!
I could die today, tomorrow, or at any point really, and that’s something I need to accept. I’m not guaranteed a certain number of years on this earth, so what I do know is I’m going to make the most of the time that I’m allowed to have. And hopefully that turns out to be a pretty good story.
Thanks for reading, and I’ll be sure to post again soon.
The English philosopher Thomas Hobbes (1588-1679) argued in his book Leviathan that, without government, life would be “solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.” Autonomy requires true self-governance. I've learned so much from watching your poker journey, so thank you for making my time on the felt or online a little less nasty, brutish, and short.
Delighted to see another blog post!
Find this highly relatable, I’m at a similar stage in life, trying to be present in every moment. Trying not to take anything for granted.